Saturday, December 10, 2011

My Jaw is Sore for Nothing

     Technology in many fields is really pushing the bounds of possibility. The cutting edge of innovation is filled with huge intellects and huge imaginations, and fascinating answers to new and old questions are constantly evolving. In looking through new advances in medicine, electronics and information technology, one starts to wonder what amazing, unimagined concepts will be tired commodities in a few decades even. However, I have to wonder if perhaps the bounds of some technologies are far enough. Have you seen the technologies being developed in chewing gum these days??
     If you've wandered past a supermarket checklane anytime recently the number of gum choices is completely superfluous. I pine for the days when I could drop a quarter on the counter for 5 sticks of something minty, something spicy, something fruity, or some special bubble blend. That's satisfies all my worldly gum cravings I've ever had. But the gum they have out now! Now you, too, can be chewing a piece of gum and you'd swear it was key lime pie or strawberry shortcake! They have gum mystically injected with a delectable splash of liquid nestled in center (which in my point of view, means I end up with less gum). TV channels are flooded with visually dazzling commercials, with beautifully contrasting high-def images to express the overwhelming emotional sensation you are guaranteed to feel when you put this magical little chewable square on your tongue. With all the edginess of an iPad commercial, they peddle next year's model of gum trying to convince me it's gonna taste like how sex feels. It's simply too much!
     Let me ask you this, readers, who's demands and fancies are not being met by the current gum supply? Is there really someone in the country for whom chewing a strip of strawberry in between two strips of apple was such a divine experience they can never go back to Juicy Fruit like the peasants chew? And forget all that, I still haven't found a gum that keeps the flavor, whatever that flavor is, until I'm done chewing it. No, it looks like a flash in the pan is enough for most people I guess, and they're the tycoons making the millions off this gum. I just sit back with my head in my hands and say "for realsies?"

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